Midweek Memoirs of Mr Bodell

Back where we belong, top of the league and with fifteen games to go, we are entering the hardest period of the season. Trips to West Brom and Charlton [a game I`m going to] around the corner whilst Crystal Palace and resurgent Norwich visit the
'Vic.

Saturday`s win was pleasing and when you consider the players we had missing, it was twice as pleasing for the travelling Hornets faithful. Looking forward to Leicester and it will be chance to prove how far we have come since the 4-1 thrashing at their hands earlier in the season. Victory tonight will show how much we`ve improved, which brings me onto what I want to talk about this week.

Sunday`s game between Manchester United and Manchester City was first and foremost was about the 50th anniversary of the Munich disaster and the minutes silence was respected impeccably. However, what really caught my attention was the kits worn by Manchester United players. Being quite young, I wasn`t around when kits of that sort were worn, but I thought how much [for want of a less poncy word] nicer, they were than everyday kits. And, it got me thinking, what changes could be made to improve football as a spectacle?

Well here goes…

Bring back old-style kits
Today`s kit manufacturers try to hard and eventually achieve a design that detracts from the idea of a football kit in favour of an F1 style outfit. The number of sponsors ruin the overall jersey and I want to see plain kits with badges at most. Afterall, even without a Red Devil on United`s strip for Sunday, we all knew who they were.

Bring back 1-11
1-11 jerseys made identification so much easier. If you don`t know the opposition side, then the number 6 is obviously a centre half so it`s easy to work out who it could be [for the short-sighted among us]. I mean, Adam Johnson, number 39?! Course he`s a left winger, it`s so obvious…

Clarify the Offside Rule
Active, inactive…hmm…if you are on the field of play you are active. SIMPLE. We need to go back to the old offside rule where everyone knew where they were. Offside=offside!

Ban Women!
I`m not sexist, but too many don`t have a clue what they`re on about or insist on bringing feminine values into the game…psssh. Football is a working-class man`s sport.

Ban upper-class men
Continuing from the previous point, football is for WORKING CLASS MEN, not upper class men, or any form of women.

Get rid of food kiosks
They`re too expensive, especially at the bigger stadiums. No-one wants to pay out, but we`re forced to because of our laziness, scrap them and build more toilets, then you wont spend half time queuing to pee and you can bring your own Bovril in a flask.

Enforce singing
A good atmosphere contributes to a good performance so we need people going around encouraging the fans to sing, if you don`t sing, punishment of some sort, i.e. a Luton season ticket.

Scrap the 'injured, get off rule`
It`s farcical, just delay the game for a couple of minutes to solve the injury, else once you have recovered, you are punished by having to stand off the field.

Ban Diving
Bring in automatic 1 game ban for diving. Ronaldo would soon learn.

Ban talk of '66
It was ages ago, get over it, and then maybe we will win something moving into the future!

Bring back triangular nets
There is something quite beautiful about a triangular goal, we used to have them, bring them back!

England kits
There`s no need to change them every two years! It`s just getting more money out of poor fans.

Give Arsene Wengar a pair of binoculars
He evidently needs them, because no incident manages to catch his attention.

Those are some of my wants to improve football, feel free to add your own below by commenting!

Keep the faith,

Tom Bodell